For many many years, I believed I wasn’t good enough for him.
At first I believed that my way of being, shy and bossy at times, wasn’t attractive enough.
Then, I believed my laughter was too loud, that I laughed too much and that maybe I wasn’t even funny enough.
I wasn’t flirty, neither clever in that sexy way.
I was and am smart, nerdy, curious, bossy, at times too serious with a big and sensible heart.
As years passed I also started to doubt the way I looked. My body changed and got more curvy, more feminine but also more ..Fat?
I saw during the years that have passed what kind of girls attracted him, and I learned that I was nothing like them.
I thought just because I am not his tipe I am not good enough. Not only for him, but for others, and most of all for ME.
I dismissed my own beauty just because it didn’t matched his standards.
I started to dislike my body more and more, fought harder and harder to change it, to lose weight, to improve my appearance until all was left was hatred.
Long story short, now I have finally got to that point in my life when I don’t feel inferiority in his presence.
I feel that I am good enough, that maybe even pretty enough. I feel that it is ok to be smart, bossy, curious and all that. I feel that is ok to be myself, and that myself is enough.
Today, this is how I feel.