If you haven’t already read the first part you can find it here.
This is where we left off.
– Yes. He broke my heart so He can reshape it in the most wonderful way.
– I cannot listen to more of this nonsense. Let’s go.
And he grabbed my hand and started walking towards the sunset.
I didn’t expect him to be like that. After all we just met a few hours ago, for as much as he knew I could have been a serial killer…Or he could have been one! But of course he wasn’t. He made me feel, I guess safe. I am not sure if that is the right word, I only knew that somehow I could trust him. So I went along and followed him in silence.
After a few minutes he let go off my hand and we walked side be side. The road was surrounded by large lime trees on each side. Sweet scent was filling my lungs and the dim gold light of sunset was gently warming my vision. It was one of those late summer nights that made you feel glad you’re alive, at least that’s what they say.
While we were advencing smoothly on this long road that I did not know where it was leading I got quite lost in my thoughts.
I was thinking about how strange life is and how it takes sometimes years and sometimes hours to trust someone.
I was also thinking about how we met.
After the last exam of this year I was very down and tired. I did not manage to give my best and I was really disappointed. Along the years I have grown into a little perfectionist and I applied that in every aspect of my life. (Quiet ironic when you are not very fond of living)
Unconsciously from college I headed towards my favourite place, one of the oldest bookstore’s in the town. A small place filled with lots and lots of books and coffee scent.
It was a sunny day, painfully sunny, especially when all you wanted was to cry. It is a terrible thing when not even the wheatear plays along your sadness. It is like the whole universe…Ok not the universe but planet Earth maybe, conspires to make you feel miserable and very very lonely!
I put on my sunglasses and started walking and crying, walking and crying until I reached this magical place. I was so upset that i forgot to take off my sunglasses even after entering the bookstore.
I occupied my favourite spot and took out my all time soul book. I carried it with me everywhere. It had the ability to make smile, cry, laugh and even the power to inspire me to go on and fight.
As I was sitting there sobbing, with my beloved book and with my sunglasses on, I came out as a considerably odd personaje. That’s probably how and why he observed me.
After probably what seemed to be 2 or 3 hours I left the bookstore. I wasn’t thinking about much I just started walking. In front of the bookstore was, and still is obviously, a pedestrian crossing. Well I didn’t not care much about it neither of the fact that I was on a main street.
I didn’t care but he did.
He took my wrist and pulled me away from that red car that would have taken my life , as I found out later, all too soon.
And this is how our odd friendship started. My suciadle behaviour one might say, has led to something special.
Now I was walking again hand in hand with him towards that unknown place. I don’t remember exactly when he took my hand but all I can remember is that it felt like the most natural thing on earth, like his hand was carved perfectly to match mine. We were loosing sight of the city and heading furthermore into the wildness of the shores. Salty air was feeling my lungs with the memory of the sea, of the vast unknown.
As much as I felt drown to the landscape I also feared it. Being into the water and not being able to see the land awoken each time feelings of anxiety. Maybe it was because of my perfectionism, always and always wanting to see what’s next, what’s ahead of me and what I should do.
Now I could see the waves crashing into the rocks and blue, green and pinkish shades were feeling my vision. This beach wasn’t like any other I saw before. The sand was soft and pale pink. The blue of the water was maybe lighter and more alive and these two colours together culminated into one of those view that you were able to recall even after decades.
He didn’t stopped there on the seaside, but he walked further. He didn’t left my hand not even for a fraction of moment. He kept it still and safe. The road was rising and we started slowly to climb one of the biggest rocks nearby. It was a heavy and accidented path that probably wasn’t much known.
As soon as we reached the top of the cliff we stood on a smooth green platform. The vastness of the sea hit me once again. My eyes were delighted with si far unseen shades of blue, green and pink. To be honest even if I would try to describe with all my power and knowledge the beauty of that place I probably failed to. Even if I took the dictionary and looked up all the rarest and most specific words it would not be the same, because it wasn’t just what I saw but I felt in that moment.
After about 10 minutes of silence in which we sat next to each other and admired the view ,the sun descending and new orange and purple shades ascending simultaneously, he turned towards me and said:
“You know, I wasn’t always so sure I wanted to live..And that life was ment for me. There was a time when I actually was so sure I didn’t belong that I acted upon and tried to end it all.
I jumped. From here.” His voice was shaking and his eyes were sparkling like no other eyes I’ve seen before. He wasn’t looking at me but had his eyes fixed on the horizon. It was like he anchored his vision on that tiny line between the sea and the sky not to lose it. It was as if that line was all that kept him together afterwards, like it was the last thread of a hope, the last strand of the rope keeping him from falling.
“Now, I want you to jump too.” His voice wasn’t shaking anymore. It was steady and sure.
“What do you mean? I thought you were against me dying. I thought all this was about making me realise that life is meant to live and that everything has a purpose and that everything will be fine eventually and all that crap everyone sais without actually thinking about it. And now you want me to jump from a cliff that might cause my death?! How does that makes sense to you?”
“Yes.” That’s all he said as he stood up, took my hand and directed me towards the end of the cliff.
“You won’t jump on your own. I will do it with you. I won’t let go of you.”
“Oh, now I get. You still want to die but not on your own. Ok. Let’s do it. I didn’t necessarily planned on doing this today but it could be any other day even today and it won’t change much.”
His eyes were fixed on mine. Searching for something I am not sure I can name. Maybe..I am not sure, but the look on his face was almost the same as he had looking at the sea and the sky. Maybe, only maybe, he was searching for that thread of hope that I needed.
Without moving his eyes and hand, he simply said:
And we jumped.
To be continued…